


Complex

by etotakatsuki



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Cannibalism, End of a Relationship, F/M, One-Sided Relationship, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-08 12:39:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4305432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etotakatsuki/pseuds/etotakatsuki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of EtoKen drabbles. Some angsty, some fluffy, some both. </p><p>Notes at the beginning of each drabble describe any warnings pertaining to that chapter.</p><p>1. Druxy -- Something that looks good on the outside, but is actually rotten inside.<br/>2. Anagapesis -- The feeling when one no longer loves someone they once did.<br/>3. Tarantism -- The urge to overcome melancholy by dancing.<br/>4. Wanweird -- An unhappy fate.<br/>5. Signs of affection: A promise.<br/>6. "Things you said that made me feel like shit."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Druxy

**Author's Note:**

> I like the idea that Ken and Eto's relationship started via Eto asking Ken out for coffee when she signed his book for him, and I reference this idea often in my EtoKen drabbles. In case there is any confusion about that.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Druxy -- Something that looks good on the outside, but is actually rotten inside.
> 
> Setting: Root A universe.  
> Tags: Cannibalism, violence, self-hatred

Kaneki clutched his arms across his stomach, trying to suppress the sickening feeling growing inside.

His coffee sat growing cold nearby, forgotten. He’d hoped the drink would help, but it had only sharpened the hunger.

He dug his fingernails into his sides in a futile attempt to mask the pain in his stomach. There was food here, choice meat available to him as an executive, whenever he so chose. But if he could just wait a little longer, he would be sent out on another mission. One to eliminate rival bands of ghouls causing problems for Aogiri’s distant branches. He could eat then. 

The thought made his stomach lurch in disgust.

But the alternative was wasting away, or worse: losing control. He needed to eat to survive. And he needed to eat to grow stronger. He needed that strength, that power that he took from others, in order to protect the ones he cared about. In order to accomplish what he’d come to Aogiri to do. 

But no matter how he rationalized it, no matter how he justified his actions, the hunger always emphasized the truth that had been carved into his mind each time he watched his fingers and toes grow back – he wasn’t human. 

Eating made him feel even more like a monster. Like he was becoming the meat he consumed, twisting and decomposing from the inside out. Like he was absorbing not just the power in the flesh, but the _taste_  – the putrid flavors that always lingered in the back of his throat no matter how much coffee he drank.

“Kaneki,” that familiar voice singsonged, and he was abruptly ripped from his spiraling thoughts. “Are you ready?”

His eyes drifted up from the floor to focus on her, and was relieved to find that she was alone. As time passed and the other executives learned to rely on Kaneki more, he’d been assigned to more missions with her – always high priority, and always alone. Tatara knew their strength, and knew they didn’t need underlings getting in their way. Or maybe, Kaneki wondered from time to time, Eto requested that he accompany her.

She hummed at him, tilting her head to the side, and Kaneki realized he hadn’t answered her question. He nodded silently, and saw the corners of her eyes crinkle through the holes of her mask.

She turned to skip down the hall, and he snatched up his mask and followed without another word.

They traveled to their destination across the ward in silence, Eto leading and Kaneki following close behind her. She knew what was expected of them on this mission, and he’d worked with her often enough to trust her plans. 

As he pushed his body to keep up with her quick pace, the biting pain in his stomach sharpened. For the second time that night, he found himself grateful that this mission called for the two of them to work together, alone.

“Comfortable” was not quite the word to describe the way he felt around Eto. Perhaps a better word was “understood”. He didn’t need to speak in order for her to understand his reservations about violence, about eating, and the internal conflict he struggled to suppress each time Tatara gave him a new order. 

Aside from that, he found himself drawn to her, for reasons he couldn’t explain. He felt as though he’d known her for years, as though he could see inside her mind the way she could read him. 

Eto suddenly stopped ahead of him, and gestured to a battered door at the end of an alley. He nodded, quickly stowing his thoughts away and preparing himself for battle.

The two of them made short work of the ghouls in the hideout. They were outnumbered, but the gang didn’t stand a chance. They worked together with brutal efficiency, easily reading each other’s movements to know just when to assist and just how to do so.

When the last ghoul fell, Kaneki stood frozen in the center of the room. His battlesuit was covered in blood, and the smell was nearly overpowering. His stomach grumbled, and a quiet giggle behind him drew his attention back to Eto. Her clothes were spotless, free of any blood or marks, as always. She bent down to pick something up – an arm, Kaneki noted – and held it out to him.

Despite the familiar self-hatred boiling up inside him, his hunger was stronger, and he took the offered meal.

She turned away to scavenge her own lunch from the violence they’d wrought together, knowing him well enough to know he’d never eat while she was watching. But she had no such reservations.

He watched her eat, blood staining her previously pristine bandages, clear delight written in the way she devoured every bite, and suddenly he understood what drew him to her. 

She put on a mask, just like his. She practiced an image of control, of distance from the vulgar side of ghouls.

But underneath her crafted exterior, she was just like him.

Rotten inside.


	2. Anagapesis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anagapesis -- The feeling when one no longer loves someone they once did.
> 
> Setting: Root A universe, using Ishida's original draft idea that Kaneki joined Aogiri to kill the One-Eyed King.  
> Tags: Angst, Betrayal, One-sided Relationship

Kaneki stares down at the book in his hands, at the page marked by Takatsuki’s messy scrawl.

The room is far too dark to discern the words – the sun set hours ago – but Kaneki memorized them long ago, and can imagine them in his mind, just the way they appear on the page.

He pictures her words, and wonders if he should feel something. Anything. Anger, perhaps? Betrayal? Hurt? Isn’t that how people should react in these situations? 

But maybe he should have been expecting this, a cruel voice in the back of his mind whispers. Because when had someone ever truly been interested in him that way?

He thinks about how they met. He thinks about their first night together, about the invitation scrawled with her signature in the novel he’s holding. He thinks about the way his heart fluttered in his chest every time he saw her. He thinks about the soft press of her lips to his. He thinks about holding onto her hand like a lifeline, because she was the only thing still keeping him tethered and grounded.

He thinks about the way she looked at him tonight – covered in blood and bandages, one eye blazing red and black. The way she smirked at him –cruel, _inhuman_  – when he realized that the person who made his hellish life bearable, and the person he’d descended into hell to murder, were one and the same. He thinks about the sound of her laughter, stabbing into his chest, when he realized that she’d known all along.

He stares at the book in his hands, and wonders if he should feel something. 

All he feels is empty.


	3. Tarantism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tarantism -- The urge to overcome melancholy by dancing.
> 
> Setting: Root A universe  
> Tags: Fluff, that's it

She entered his room in Aogiri’s current base of operations, and expected to find him buried in the middle of one of the books she’d left for him. She’d been looking forward to prying his brain for his thoughts and impressions of those works – some of her favorites.

She did not expect to find him curled in on himself in the corner of his bed, staring unfocused at the wall.

He glanced up when she entered, but didn’t move from his position. 

Eto frowned. She didn’t like the direction he was headed.

She had watched his story unfold from the beginning, since she’d first heard the rumors of Rize’s accident, and of the organ transplant that transpired afterwards. She followed his story with fascination, and watched as he gradually accepted his new ghoul side, and tried to reconcile the ghoul world with his humanity.

Though if she were honest, her interest in Kaneki ran far deeper than simply the novelty of his existence as an artificial half ghoul.

She knew he read her books, and that he noticed connections she’d written that she hadn’t expected anyone to notice. He was sharp, a quick learner, and had an impressive drive to survive. He was capable of being ruthless and cruel, but he was also idealistic, and a hopeless romantic. He valued himself only in relation to others, and then he isolated himself from those he cared about.

He fascinated her. She wanted to take him apart, to pick his brain and figure out just what made him this way.

But since joining Aogiri, that fascinating spark of his had begun to fade.

Maybe it had been Yamori’s doing, she wondered. Or maybe it was his self-imposed exile from Anteiku. Or maybe it was the things he forced himself to do to prove his loyalty to Aogiri – a loyalty that she knew had never existed.

Whatever the reason, he’d withdrawn into himself more each day. Conversations with him became more and more one-sided. He spent more time in isolation. And now, apparently, he had even stopped reading.

That wouldn’t do. And she was determined to change that.

To make his story more interesting again, she told herself.

“Care to dance, Kaneki?” she asked cheerily, curtsying and holding out her hand for him. 

He stared at her hand. “I don’t know how,” he said, voice flat and dull.

Eto beckoned with her extended hand. “I’ll teach you,” she answered easily.

He turned back toward the wall. “I’d rather be alone right now.”

She leaned forward, reaching further toward him. “Isn’t it hard, being alone all the time?”

Kaneki frowned, furrowing his brows, and she knew she’d struck a chord.

“Dance with me,” she asked again. 

He turned back towards her, and stared at her hand. But this time, he reached out to grasp it.

She grinned, and pulled him up and off the bed with a happy sound.

He followed her to the center of his room, and let her position him properly, placing one hand on her waist and holding the other out in front of them. She paused to beam up at him, and he almost had the urge to smile back.

Then she began humming, swaying gently to the tune, and then she was moving, pulling him along with her.

They spun around the room, her feet fluttering lightly across the floor, and she gently pressed or pulled him into position when he misstepped or misinterpreted her movements. 

He caught on quickly, she was pleased to note. That much hadn’t changed.   
He watched the movements of her feet carefully, and replicated them with ease. Soon, he was leading their dance, guiding Eto around the room.

Her song began the final flourish, and he improvised, spinning her around and dipping her low as she hummed the final notes. After a moment of silence, he lifted her back up, but his arm stayed wrapped tightly around her waist, and her hand stayed pressed against his chest.

She felt the steady rhythm of his heart beneath her palm, and lifted her head to beam up at him again, satisfied with her success. He flushed, suddenly realizing how close they were, and dropped his arms to his sides.

“Thank you for the dance, Kaneki,” she sang, taking a step back and bowing deeply. “Until next time,” she added, and in a quick flutter of her dress, she was gone.

He didn’t realize he was smiling until he picked up one of her books. 


	4. Wanweird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanweird -- An unhappy fate.
> 
> Setting: Root A universe  
> Tags: Angst, Character death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is so short, I'm sorry.

There were only so many ways that this could end.

But he’d known that from the beginning, he supposed. 

He stared down at his hands, at the blood staining them. There was  _so much –_

The world was wrong.

It had torn him apart, twisted and shaped him into something he could no longer recognize. He lost himself, but then –

Found her instead.

The world was wrong, but there was  _hope_  now. Because of what he’d done. 

But fate had never been on Kaneki’s side.

Maybe if they’d met some other time, some other place. Maybe if tragedy didn’t seem to follow him like a shadow. Maybe if he could have found another way.

The world was wrong, but it didn’t have to be. It could change. It  _would_  change.

Despite that, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Because what good was a world without her?


	5. A Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Signs of affection: A promise
> 
> Setting: Root A  
> Tags: None

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one, I'm sorry

Kaneki lingered outside the Aogiri stronghold, Yoshimura’s words still running through his mind.

He considered not coming back, after he learned the truth. But still, somehow his feet carried him back to this place.

He’d joined Aogiri with the intention of killing the One-Eyed King, of eliminating the threat the king posed to the 20th ward, and to everyone he cared about. He had done this all for them, to protect them. That thought that kept him going when he retreated to his room at night, when he was unable to ignore the loneliness, or the feeling of being consumed.

But now…

The person he’d promised himself he’d kill was the very person who made his days bearable. The person who seemed to know his thoughts and feelings without asking, who showed him fleeting acts of kindness, gave him pleasant conversation, even left books outside his door. She was the person Yoshimura had asked him to save.

Now that he knew who she was, Kaneki knew he couldn’t keep his promise.

But he’d come to Aogiri for a purpose, and he wouldn’t give up that easily.

He took a breath, and another step closer to the stronghold.

 _I promise,_  he told himself.  _I’ll save you._  


	6. "Things you said that made me feel like shit."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things you said... that made me feel like shit.
> 
> Setting: Root A  
> Tags: Kaneki's doing the self-hatred thing again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a companion to [this fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5133908).

Looking back, he isn’t sure what he was expecting.  
   
The pieces had fallen into place long ago. There was no other explanation. But he hadn’t wanted to believe it.  
   
He supposes he could have ignored it, could have kept it to himself, could have let it fester and rot him away from the inside. Was his current situation really any better?  
   
But what had it all been for, he’d cursed at himself, if he could let it all go that easily? All the people he’d killed, all the terrible things he’d done. The blood on his hands and between his teeth. Why had he done it all without question, if this was the result.  
   
So he decided to confront her.  
   
He isn’t sure if he regrets it.  
   
“Kaneki,” she greets with her usual grin. His eyes fix on her teeth, and she smiles wider. “You look troubled.”  
   
He feels like she’s mocking him – she is mocking him. She knows exactly why he’s here. Of course she does. So he cuts to the point.  
   
“You’re him –” Her grin cracks across her face, splitting it open like a wound, and he can’t look away from her teeth – “You’re the One-Eyed King.”  
   
She hums happily. “Are you asking, or telling?”  
   
He tightens his hands at his sides, digging his fingernails into his palms. “You knew why I joined Aogiri.”  
   
She nods. “I did.”  
   
He can smell blood. “You knew and you lied to me, tricked me just like Rize, just like Tsukiyama –”  
   
“I didn’t,” she interrupts, and the pain in his chest sharpens.  
   
His mind is racing, and he feels something boiling up inside him, threatening to tear him apart, and she’s still smiling at him.  
   
She tilts forward, and he stares at her teeth. “Are you still going to kill me, Kaneki?”  
   
He doesn’t know which is worse: her question, or his answer.


End file.
